hello my little friends, I am live blogging again, straight from the bar at the very best place in town. I used to work here you know. It’s the oldest establishment in town, even in the world, they say. It’s very dark in here, always. It reminds me of this great Swedish novel, Gentlemen, where they write about an apartment where ”night was always a possibility”. Here the night is also always a possibility, but also it’s like this place exists outside of time and outside of seasons. It has great mystery. I love this place, and when I worked here, I used to think it was like a big old ship and I was a sailor or a pirate, giving a piece of my soul to this ship to keep forever. I think I could die in here. I loved working here. It’s haunted of course, and after closing, when we had turned all the chairs upside down and only one candle was burning, time had a funny way of standing still and you would hear all kinds of things. Simon just gave me a drink called a Martinez, which he described as ”the grand father of the dry martini”. He is the bartender and he is British, he taught me what a Bees knees is (it’s a drink with equal parts honey, gin and lemon juice). Okay I could say a hundred more things about this place but I am now getting tipsy from the Martinez and also Ella just turned up and sat down on the bar stool beside me so bye bye
good morning dear blog readers. i woke up at 7 and decided to get out immediately and walk the scenic part of the route to school/the workshop. I have learned how to blog from my iPhone which is why I’m writing more often, like on my way and stuff.
There is so much spring stuff going on. Like, calendar-stuff. I love calendar stuff, it kind off marks and structures the passing of time and seasons. The other day the clock was set forward one hour, we call it summer time, but I guess in English that’s called daylight savings or something like that? Summer time sounds way more fun. Daylight savings sounds kind of economic and boring. And last week it was spring equinox. Like the day and the night were equally long, which seems to me very poetic. As usual in spring a strong feeling of melancholic longing is inhabiting the body. This strong longing for something you don’t know what it is is really a little cruelty of the springtime, but I guess all of the trees and flowers and deer and bunny rabbits and birds and all of nature feels it too, so in a way it’s a nice thing to just be part of nature, there is a sense of belonging. Ella had planted a lot of different seeds and she showed them because they were now green plants stretching up out of the soil and reaching straight up towards the sun. I thought it was a very powerful sight and she laughed at me but i swear if that is not longing then i don’t know what is!!
I am now in the workshop drinking instant coffee, instant coffee is nice. Rewatched Gilda with Rita Hayworth the other night, an ex bf once told me she reminded him of me, but now after seeing it again I feel that was not very much of a compliment. The whole movie she is very toxic and is playing mind games and acting like a tall child, but on the other hand, she has incredible hair and aura. Why should anyone want to be the femme fatale anyway? They never get the guy and they are always in trouble and they almost always die in the end. Those days are over!
Anyways here is my spring playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0iUXYE9lxPUQGfMGn3NpPg?si=uafkDtRhRumjsekUH5xBkA&pi=n3490hD-SKqQU
I am not trying to win any more. When I was younger I think I saw life more as a game. But now all I want is true connection. I want to understand things. And to see things clearly, not through the filter of my own idealism and projections. I am not scared anymore. Truth and sadness purified my soul. I want to be a good person.
One thing that is very hard in life is that you need to live like you could die tomorrow, but you also need to live like you could live to be a 100 years old, because both of them could happen, and you have no way to know. So you need to live so you would be happy even if you died tomorrow but also so that you would be happy if you live to be a 100 years old. And finding the balance between those two things can be pretty hard I think, do you know what I mean?
I just found some moss in my hair..
I feel kind of lobotomized after the weekend. but it was a very fun one. I met a lot of people who I like very much and there was everything nice that one wants from a weekend, and even though there was some drama and we joked it was a lost weekend I didn’t feel lost at all … one could actually say it was a found weekend …… jk jk
on the Saturday Paula, Ella and me rented a car and made a break from the city. we listened to music in the car, we bought some different weird new sodas and Paula bought cookies and we saw Swedens first brick building. It is a monestary church from the 1200s and the founders were still in their iron caskets in a crypt fully visible underneath the chapel, count Orlok style. then the sky behind the castle turned completely pink and the lake reflected it, we found an orchard with very old and small apple trees where we ran around and then rested. It made me so happy. here are some pictures.
